


to help us grow

by onemilliongoldstars



Series: a hand to hold onto [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, Family, Fluff, Kid Fic, who's ready for some feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-03-26 13:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13858938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onemilliongoldstars/pseuds/onemilliongoldstars
Summary: Despite having no experience, Clarke and Lexa have managed to find a routine that keeps their three kids not only alive, but happy and healthy. Though their world is chaotic, it is filled with sunlit afternoons and sticky hands, sloppy kisses and bear hugs. When they are unexpectedly given back their twenties, the little family struggles to adjust to the changes within their home and they learn that DNA alone doesn't make a family.sequel to 'a hand to hold onto'





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh I'm back! everyone wanted a sequel and I couldn't leave this precious little family for long! welcome back, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> fyi: this fic features a five year time jump.

The rain patters down across the windshield like a constant litany of her cowardice and with each drop Clarke’s jaw  becomes tighter. Her fingers tap out a parallel rhythm against the steering wheel of her car, betraying her nervousness. She’s been sat here for ten minutes, trying to work up the courage to go inside and a glance at the clock in her car radio tells her that she doesn’t have much time left. With a herculean effort, she drags her fingers from the wheel and instead smoothes out the peach coloured shirt she’s wearing. She wonders at the colour, whether it’s too bright for such a dull day. She can’t afford to have anything working against her today.

A knock against the window makes her jump so violently that she knocks her head against the roof of the car, rubbing at it sheepishly as she rolls down the window for the officer stood at her door.

“Sorry for startling you ma’am,” The officer gives her an apologetic smile. “Only you’ve been sat out here for fifteen minutes. This isn’t a loading bay, you can only park if you’re coming inside.”

“Yes, I know,” Clarke shoots a glance at the prison rising up behind him and swallows heavily, “Sorry, I was just… deciding if I wanted to.”

“And did you come to a decision?” The officer looks at her with thinly veiled impatience and she nods, reaching for the door.

“Yes.” She tells him, decisively, and he steps out of the way to let her climb out of the car. The rain falls around her and she hurries to lock the car and stride across the parking lot, the officer following quickly at her heels.

The prison looms up like a mountain before her and she is pulled to a stop in front of the doors. There is a cool, white glow from the fluorescent lighting inside and a harshness to the regulation brown bricks that make up the squat building. Though she has been here many times before, it feels no more welcoming than it ever has before and she is left hesitating again. Having this conversation inside the prison feels innately wrong, but she knows Anya will respect her for coming to speak to her in person, rather than over the phone and until the woman’s sentence is up in a few years, there’s no real choice of location.

“Thought you’d decided?” The officer asks her, pausing at her side to follow her gaze into the reception.

“I have.” Clarke hopes that her voice doesn’t tremble. Despite her words, she doesn’t move and the officer looks at her as if he is observing a particularly interesting insect.

“You seeing an inmate?’ At her nod, he continues, “Visiting times are gonna end soon, doesn’t seem like you want to be here.”

“No, I do… I need to be here.”

“Need to be?” The officer echoes and snorts, “damn, doesn’t sound like good news for our inmate. Should I put the boys on high alert for a melt down?”

“I hope not,” Clarke rubs a hand over her forehead, anxiously. Despite being sheltered beneath the lip of the building, she can feel the damp air making the ends of her hair curl. “And it’s not bad news.”

“Really?” The officer doesn’t seem convinced, “No break up then? No cheating?”

Clarke’s nose wrinkles, “No, none of that.” She draws in a shuddering breath, her gaze fixed on the door ahead of her. “I want to marry her sister.”

\---

Anya’s gaze is cool and hard across the narrow, sticky table in the visitation room. Clarke can feel the sweat beading on the back of her neck, sitting in her palms and prickling on her hairline. The people around them are stealing glances, obviously unnerved by the ongoing silence sitting between both women, and while Anya’s eyes have yet to leave her face, Clarke’s gaze darts back and forth around the visitation room.

“You want to marry her.” Anya is stoic and completely unreadable. Her words send a shiver up Clarke’s spine, but she sits up a little straighter in her uncomfortable seat and stiffens her resolve.

“Yes.” She’s proud that her voice doesn't crack. “Very much.”

Anya looks at her for another long moment and Clarke has to clench her fingers together beneath the table to stop herself from snapping. Though she has known Anya for several years now, she still feels a shudder of fear at the thought of being evaluated by the woman.

“Lexa’s been through a lot, you know,” Anya places her elbows on the table and steeples her fingers thoughtfully. “Hell, what am I saying, of course you know.” She rolls her eyes and Clarke feels a modicum of tension ease out of her body. “I’ve tried to shield her from this shitty world as much as possible but now…” She holds her hands out, demonstrating to the prison and Clarke nods carefully, as if worried that any sort of movement might spook the woman. “There’s not much I can do and even if I didn’t want her to marry you, I’m guessing she probably would anyway.” Anya’s eyes meet hers again and there is a small smile settled on her lips. “She always was pretty defensive about the things she loved.”

“I love her too,” The words escape her like a gasp for air, inescapable and instinctual, but at Anya’s raised eyebrow she feels herself flush. “I mean, just so you know.”

“Yeah, I know you do.” Anya’s eyes raise to the ceiling in a mannerism so similar to Lexa that Clarke’s heart clenches. “If you didn’t there’s no way I’d let you near my kids.”

“I love them too.” She is starting to relax a little more now, her honesty getting the better of her. “Obviously not in the same way you and Lexa do but… in my own way.”

Anya’s eyes soften just slightly at her admittance and something shifts between them, an easing. “I know that too. They talk about you incessantly.” She grins and Clarke feels her heart soar.

“So… you’ll let me marry Lexa?”

“Let you?” Anya barks out a laugh that turns a few heads. “Like I said, Lexa wouldn’t listen to me when it comes to you.” At Clarke’s uncertain expression, she gives a little and says. “But if you’re asking whether I approve then… yes, I suppose my little sister could do worse than you.”

Her breath catches in her throat at the words and she has to stop herself from reaching out to catch Anya’s hands gratefully.

“We won’t get married until you get out.” She instead assures her hurriedly and Anya’s brows crease.

“Why wait?”

“Well I just-”

“I made it clear to Lexa when I came in here that normal life shouldn't just stop while I’m inside.” Anya is firm, but Clarke digs her heels in.

“I know that Lexa won’t want to get married without you there… and neither will I.”

Anya sits back in her seat and for the first time, Clarke sees her look impressed. “Well,” She says at last, “Sounds like you have it all figured out. All you’ve got to do now is actually ask her.”

\---

“Clarke, Clarke, look what I made at school today!” Miya barrels into her legs the minute that she steps through the door and it’s a credit to her that Clarke is now able to catch them both and push the door shut at the same time. Comet darts out of the living room, his big head lolling and greets her with his front legs on her trousers and his tongue in her face.

“Hey there you two,” She feels immediately warm inside, surrounded by family, and pats both girl and dog on the head, easing them gently away from her so that she can peel off her wet coat. “Did you have a good day munchkin?”

“Yeah it was good, now come look!” Miya is already tugging at her hand, pulling her into the kitchen and Clarke is helpless but to follow, staggering along behind her.

The kitchen is an orderly mess. There are old lunch bags and boxes thrown about the counters and a few crumbs on the counter betray that someone has been in the cookie tin. By the door to the backyard are kicked three sets of rain boots, set in an orderly line by Lexa, largest to smallest and in a rainbow of colours. The new fridge is covered with pictures and schedules, though Lexa is convinced that similar overloading is what caused their last one to kick the bucket. The final, new edition, is the solar system made from dangling, painted ping pong balls sitting within a panorama of the night sky.

“Isn’t it cool!” Miya demands, and before Clarke can even open her mouth to respond, she continues, “Take a picture and send it to Raven!”

“Okay, okay,” She laughs, trying to stave off the bouncing dog at her feet as she pulls her phone out of her pocket and takes a picture, sending it to Raven with the caption _you’ve indoctrinated her_. “It’s awesome, did you make it in class?”

“Yeah!” Miya beams at her, but they are interrupted by a voice in the hallway and Clarke turns at the sound of her name just in time to catch hold of Tris before she can shoot straight through her legs and into the table.

“Hi baby,” Clarke can’t help the little thud she gets in her heart when she sees Tris.

“I’m not a baby!” Tris instructs her firmly, stamping her foot, “I’m 5!”

“You are,” Clarke laughs quietly and scoops Tris into her arms. She’s getting a little heavy now, but it’s a habit that she can’t quite shake from the girl’s infanthood and Tris doesn’t exactly complain when Clarke tickles her so that she squirms. “How about you kiddo, did you have a good day at school?”

“No,” Tris’s lip sticks out in a big, fat pout that has been known to earn her the world. “Jonny Bradshaw ran into me in the playground.”

“Oh no,” Clarke frowns, “Did you fall?”

“No,” Tris looks at her like she’s crazy. “I ran right back into him.”

She shouldn’t laugh, but the snort escapes her anyway and she has to quickly school her features before Tris figures out that bad behaviour will get her a laugh rather than a scolding and be irreparably damaged for life.

“Now that wasn’t very nice.” She shakes her head, “We don’t run into people Tris.”

“But he ran into me,” Tris twists to look at her better and Clarke eases her down to the floor, kneeling next to her.

“Yes, and he shouldn’t have done that.”

“But nobody told _him_ off,” Tris crosses her arms and Clarke breathes in slowly, preserving her composure.

“Well maybe they didn't see him do it. But we should always treat people how we would want them to treat us, do you understand? Even if they’re mean to us, we’re not mean back.”

Tris still looks unconvinced, but she nods slowly and Clarke sighs. “Okay, go back to your cartoons.”

Tris whizzes away happily into the living room again and Clarke’s phone beeps in her pocket. A text from Raven reads _fuck yeah, i’m gonna catch them allllll_.

She rolls her eyes. “Raven says your solar system looks excellent, Miya.” She tells the ten year old sat at the kitchen table, flicking through the Nation Geographic book she got for her birthday, and Miya beams. “Where’s your brother?”

“He’s in his room,” Miya’s beam slips into a sly grin. “With Ashley Templar.”

Clarke’s eyes widen and she turns on her heel, hurrying down the hallway and up the stairs. Though the kids are now old enough that she can pretty much trust them not to stick their fingers in the plug sockets when she turns her back, teenagerhood has brought a whole host of new challenges. From mood swings to acne, she’s awaits the day that Aden goes off to college with both dread and glee, although the first signs of adolescence are already rearing their head in Miya.

She forces herself to pause and take a breath in front of Aden’s room, trying to remember the days when she was a teenager and her mother embarrassed her on a daily basis. Carefully, she knocks on the door, but can’t wait long enough for an answer before pushing it open.

At least- _at least_ \- the curtain is open, so the small room doesn’t feel quite as dank as it could be. When it became clear that she and Lexa were going to be spending most of their nights together and that Tris and Miya were about ready to kill each other sharing a room, Lexa gave up her room for Miya to use. Some of Lexa’s clothes are still stored in the back of a closet, but otherwise the room has been painted purple and is covered in boy band and animal posters. Miya’s current animal love: elephants.

Which had left Aden stuck in the box room and Miya and Tris with two larger rooms to themselves. The ever accommodating and easy going elder sibling hadn’t cared too much at the time, but Clarke is sure that he wouldn’t be able to get a bigger room as messy as he keeps this one.

There are clothes scattered around the floor, as if the boy doesn’t even own a closet, but Clarke is sure he does because the closet door is hanging open and inside she can see the acres of space that he has to put things, but instead chooses to keep his favourite shirt crumpled on the floor. There are band posters and movie posters tacked up around the wall and- to Clarke’s never ending pride- an anatomical diagram of the human body above his small desk. The cactus he got for his birthday sits sighing on the windowsill and there’s a stack of games in one corner and a soccer ball in the other, pretty much abandoned for his new favourite sport: baseball.

Usually Clarke isn’t one to worry about mess, but Aden’s room actually bothers her more than it bothers Lexa. But maybe that’s just because Lexa has decided to adopt a laissez faire attitude to the whole thing. If she didn’t, she would probably have a heart attack every time she walked in.

The kids are sat on the bed, and Clarke vaguely recognises Ashley. Maybe she went to Aden’s middle school, but she's definitely grown up quickly in the way that she dreads Miya will eventually do. Aden is sat next to her and they have textbooks in their lap. Clarke feels some of her panic slip away, and tries to brighten her demeanour.

“Hi,” She says as casually as she can. “Just thought I’d let you know I was home.”

“Cool, hey.” Aden looks sheepish and embarrassed, his floppy hair hiding the acne on his forehead and covering his eyes.

“You must be Ashley,” Clarke says, when it’s clear that Aden isn’t going to introduce them and the girl colours, giving a polite smile.

“Yeah, hello Ms Woods.”

“Griffin actually,” She tries to stay as casual as possible, but Aden is cringing in his seat. “But you can call me Clarke.”

“Thanks, Ms Gr- Clarke,” Ashley fidgets with the hair tie around her wrist and Clarke decides to cut to the chase before Aden actually sinks through the floor with embarrassment.

“No worries, I’ll leave you guys to your studying, I just need to borrow Aden for a second.”

“ _Really_?” Aden’s expression is pained and his eyes slide to Ashley anxiously, but the girl is studiously ignoring his gaze.

“Really.” Clarke confirms and feels a flash of victory when he levers himself off the bed and follows her into the hallway.

Clarke pushes the door to his room shut a little, and pulls him out of earshot before saying, “Aden, you know the rule about having girls in your room.”

“Come on Clarke, we’re just studying.” His hands squirm into his pockets and he looks sullen.

“You know the rule Aden,” She insists.

“Keep the door open,” He intones and glares at the floor, “Fine, we will. Not like we even need to, we’re not… it’s not like that.”

“Blanket rule Aden,” She bites back an automatic apology, “And you were supposed to be looking after your siblings. If we leave you here on your own you need to be downstairs keeping an eye on them.”

Aden does seem a little ashamed at that, and his expression twists contritely. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, just remember for next time,” He casts a longing look back at his room and she rolls her eyes, “Okay, you can go.”

He slopes off down the corridor back to his room and she turns to step into what’s now Tris’s room. It’s still light and airy, just like it always was, and the walls are a pale yellow. There are piles of cuddly toys in every corner and the bed is almost invisible under the menagerie. A rug in the middle of the room is covered with rainbows and there’s a pretend kitchen set pressed up against the wall, a little bookcase against the other. In the closet in the corner, however, Clarke keeps her art supplies. It is the closest thing to a safe space in the house and it is to here that she goes, pausing to check for any little feet coming up the staircase. All is relatively quiet and she reaches onto the top shelf, pulling down her box of rarely used chalks, and digging for the little cloth bag at the back.

Her fingers catch around the drawstrings holding it together and she fishes it out, dusting off the worst of the chalk and pulling it open. Inside is the box that she’s had for months, small enough that she can slip it into her pocket.

\---

Lexa hesitates on the doorstep, her keys hanging from her fingers, and looks up at the house glowing before her. The windows are all alight, but she doesn’t think about the electricity bill which is basically burning money. Instead, her lips curl into a smile as she thinks of the chattering conversation sure to be waiting inside, and the warm meal- as long as Clarke has managed to not burn the supper. Years ago, sat in a crumbling foster home with Anya, she never thought she would have anything like this. A home, a family, it all seemed like a dream made for other people, lucky people, and yet now, somehow, she’s stumbled into her own little heaven.

Pushing the door open, she steps into the hallway, cluttered with backpacks and warm coats thrown over the bannisters. There are pictures of them all against the walls, hanging in frames, and a flower made from popsicle sticks sits on the hallway table. Paws patter across the lino in the kitchen and Comet barrels down the hallway towards her, pawing at her feet. He’s long past learnt that she won’t stand for any jumping, but she scratches his ears welcomingly and gives him a little pat as she shrugs off her coat.

“Hi!” She calls, stepping through the doorway into the kitchen. The three kids are all sat at the table, Aden with his phone hidden very obviously in his lap, and Clarke is stood above them, her hair piled up into a bun on top of her head, serving out rounds of spaghetti. The way Clarke’s eyes light up at the sight of her always takes Lexa’s breath away.

“Aunty Lexa!” Tris beams up at her, her legs swinging from the chair.

“Hi pumpkin,” She ruffles the little blonde curls on Tris’s head, smiling as she rounds the table to place a kiss to Clarke’s cheek. “Hello love.”

“You’re home in time for dinner,” Clarke’s smile is tender.

“I said I would be, didn’t I?” She sinks into the seat left out for her and watches Clarke pass over a bowl of spaghetti. “Smells delicious. And the house is still in one piece.”

Aden snorts from across the table and Clarke’s smile morphs into scowl.

“Hey, we haven’t had a major fire incident in at least a year!”

“Yeah, but when you set the microwave on fire trying to make popcorn people don;t really forget,” Aden grins at her and Clarke rolls her eyes at him, wielding her spoon in his direction.

“That’s enough from you, mister. I don’t like it when you guys remember things that well.” She settles into her seat as everyone begins to eat. There is a comfortable chaos to proceedings as everyone passes around drinks, salt and pepper, but when silence settles Lexa manages to get a word in and ask.

“How was school, everyone?”

A groan goes up from around the table.

“It was fine.” Aden tells her, succinctly, still stealing glances at his phone and Lexa exchanges a look with Clarke.

“How about you guys?” She turns to Miya and Tris, “Did you have good days?”

“I made a solar system, didn’t I Clarke?” Miya turns to the blonde and Clarke nods eagerly, hurriedly chewing through her mouthful to say, slightly garbled.

“She sure did, it’s in the living room.”

“ _And,_ ” Miya continues, “Me and Ali and Lucy made friendship bracelets, look.” She holds out her wrist, displaying a stringy blue and purple bracelet.

Lexa exchanges another glance with Clarke, brows pulling a little with concern, but just says. “That’s nice sweetie. And it’s Ali, Lucy and I.”

“Johnny Bradshaw ran into me in the playground,” Tris tells her, shovelling pasta into her mouth.

“Here honey,” Lexa reaches over to tuck a paper serviette into her top, though it’s already littered with stains.

Tris continues as if she hasn’t spoken, still twirling her pasta messily. “And I ran back into him, but Clarke says that was bad.”

“You… you what?” Lexa’s eyes swivel from Tris to Clarke and back again, but Clarke lays a hand on her arm and says, calmly.

“Don’t worry, we’ve talked about treating people as we’d like to be treated. Haven’t we Tris?”

“Yeah,” Tris rolls her eyes in an expression that Lexa is intensely worried she’s picked up from her Aunty. “I’m not allowed to run into Johnny Bradshaw, I have to tell a teacher.” She recites, and then mutters. “Even though Johnny Bradshaw is a stupid head.”

“Tris,” Lexa reproves her, “Have we all finished our homework?”

“Yep,” Miya takes a big, satisfied bite of her spaghetti.

Aden doesn’t reply, his eyes fastened to his lap where one hand types furiously and Lexa raises an eyebrow at Clarke, who holds out a hand to their eldest.

“Okay, hand it over kid.”

“What?” Aden’s head shoots up, eyes wide, “What are we talking about?”

“ _We_ ,” Lexa indicates to the four girls around the table, “are talking about our days, like a nice, sociable family. Now give Clarke your phone.”

“Aw, come on,” Aden’s voice cracks and he flushes a little, “Can’t I just keep it?”

“You know the rules, you can have it after dinner,” Clarke wriggles her fingers and Aden reluctantly hands it over, watching resentfully as she stands to put it on the counter behind them. “Now, how was your day Aden?”

“It was fine,” He stirs has food around his plate, “Just normal.”

“Did you do your homework?” Lexa prompts, and at his nod gives up, turning instead to the youngest. “What about you Tris?”

The little girl looks guiltily down at her food and when she speaks her voice is so false that Lexa almost laughs. “Yes?”

“Tris,” She tries not to sound too frustrated, “You have to start doing your homework, if you need help you can ask us but you’ve been at school for months now, you should be used to it.”

“It’s counting,” Tris crosses her arms, “I don’t wanna.”

“Well you need to learn how to count Tris,” Clarke reaches over to top up everyone’s glasses of juice from the jug in the middle of the table, “Otherwise how will you know how many toys you have?”

“I know how many I have,” Tris answers, smartly, “Not enough.”

It’s too much for Clarke, who throws her head back to laugh from her stomach and Lexa cracks moments later, shaking her head at the precocious five year old.

\---

After dinner, Clarke settles down to help Tris with her counting, sitting on the living room floor and spreading out her soft toys in a line to help her practice. In the kitchen, it’s Miya’s turn to help Lexa with the dishes and they work through them together quickly, until they’re left with a pile of clean, dry dishes on the counter. As Lexa stacks them in the high cupboard, she turns to the little girl and asks.

“Where’s your gym kit Miya? It’ll need washing.”

“In my school bag,” Miya tells her without looking up from the screen of Aden’s old Nintendo.

“I guess I’ll get it then,” Lexa rolls her eyes, but Miya doesn’t even look up from her screen, so she just steps around her to pluck the backpack from where it sits in the hall.

Placing it on the kitchen table to rummage through it in search of the gym kit, her fingers instead close around something hard and cool and she pull out the sturdy digital camera Miya was gifted for her last birthday.

“Miya, what’s this?” She fixes the girl with a stern gaze and Miya winces guiltily when she sees what her aunt is holding. “I thought we’d talked about you taking this to school.”

“Sorry, I just wanted to take pictures!”

“Miya, remember what we said? Some children might not want their pictures taken. And it could get broken if you take it to school.”

“I’m not taking pictures of people!” Miya reaches out for the camera and Lexa reluctantly hands it over, stepping around the table to peer over her shoulder at the little screen. It’s scary how easily the girl uses the device and Lexa thinks about how she had to call tech support today when she couldn’t open a PDF and tries not to feel old. “Look!” Miya holds the camera out as proof and Lexa takes it slowly.

There are pictures of the leaves on the school playground, of a squirrel perched in the top of a tree, of a blackbird searching for errant crumbs in a quiet corner of the school yard. The blue sky filled with fluffy clouds, a daisy just about to open, the sun shining off a puddle of rainwater.

“Miya,” Her voice is soft as she keeps scrolling. “These are really good. Where did you learn to take pictures like this?”

Miya just shrugs, “But they’re not of people, see?”

“They’re not,” Lexa admits, “But you still shouldn’t take it to school, it might get broken.”

Miya’s face falls at her words and Lexa tries to alleviate her stab of guilt by saying.

“But how about this: if you want, every couple of weeks we’ll send them off to be printed okay? You pick your favourites and we’ll print them.”

Miya’s expression brightens again and she nods. “Okay! Thank you Aunty Lexa.”

\---

“Are you nearly done in the shower babe?” Clarke wipes her hand along the bathroom mirror, clearing it of steam so that she can see her reflection. Their small bathroom is steamy with heat from Lexa’s shower and she pushes her hair back from her face. Lexa likes to take the hottest showers known to man, leaving the bathroom like a sauna each time. Regardless, she’s glad that they decided to add an ensuite bathroom to the house when their landlord passed away and the house came up on the market for dirt cheap. They’ll be paying the mortgage off for years, but it’s worth it to know that the kids have somewhere concrete and permanent as their base, and to be able to modify the house as they’d like to.

“Yeah, I’m getting out!” The water turns off behind her and then Lexa appears, naked and dripping and entirely too tempting for a school night. She catches Clarke looking as she wipes the water from her eyes and when she laughs Clarke throws a towel at her. “See something you like?”

Clarke tries not to sneak glances at her in the mirror as she loads up her toothbrush, but feeling warm arms around her waist breaks her resolve. She twists and finds her love naked and steamy in her arms and can’t help but lean in and press a kiss to her lips. Lexa tastes of spearmint polos and chocolate and she is accompanied by the heady scent of her shampoo. As their lips move in tandem, like pages of a book soft with use, familiar and well loved, Clarke doesn’t even care that Lexa’s hair is dripping onto her pyjamas. When Lexa finally goes to pull away she tightens her arms and whimperssoftly in complaint. Lexa surrenders for just a moment, before pulling away again, more firmly, and breaking their connection.

“Tease,” Clarke complains, her eyes still shut, and startles when Lexa presses another quick kiss to her lips. By the time her eyes have opened, Lexa is already sashaying back towards the bedroom and Clarke rolls her eyes.

A few moments later she joins Lexa in the bedroom, the room that was once hers. She’s never been so glad to give something up, to have a space dedicated to them both. She doesn't even care that she has to share the closet space and that Lexa always leaves work files lying. It’s worth it to watch the woman she loves sit on their shared bed and comb her hair out carefully.

“So today I caught Aden with a girl,” She mentions it casually as she bends to collect the laundry basket from the floor and tips it out across the bed.

Lexa almost chokes she’s so surprised, her hands stilling their methodical actions as she spins to stare at Clarke. “You did _what_?”

“Relax,” She laughs, bending to collect one of Miya’s t shirts and folding it carefully. “They weren’t doing anything, but they did have his bedroom door closed.”

“They were in the bedroom?” Lexa’s eyes are still wide, but- almost as if on autopilot- she begins to braid her hair down her back. “What were they doing?”

“Just studying,” Clarke shrugs as Lexa ties off her braid and starts helping her to sort through the laundry. “But I told him he had to keep the door open.”

“I bet he loved that,” Lexa rolls her eyes, smoothing out one of Tris’s dresses.

“Not so much,” Clarke grins, “But it had to be done.”

“It did,” Lexa looks anxious again, “I just can’t believe he’s growing up so quickly.”

“They all are,” Clarke holds up Miya’s sweater, “Look at this, I swear last week she was no bigger than Tris is.”

“I know,” Lexa shakes her head a little fondly. “And I know I’m worrying too much about Aden, it’s just I’ve never had to worry about a teenager before.”

“Aden will be fine,” Clarke gives her a small smile, “He’s a good kid.”

“You’re right,” Lexa hesitates and then continues, “What about Miya and her friends?”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that to,” Clarke hesitates, looking down into the laundry basket for a second, “I don’t know whether we can even do anything about it.”

“Well, Lucy is a sweetheart but Ali is…” Lexa hesitates again and Clarke rolls her eyes.

“She’s a bitch Lex, just say it.”

“You shouldn’t call a child a bitch,” Lexa reprimands her, frowning, but then acquiesces, “But yes, she is. I’m just worried that she’s going to completely bulldoze those kids. Lucy is a quiet little thing and Miya is…”

Clarke stares down at Miya’s giraffe sweater, holding it between her hands for a moment and feeling the soft wool. “Miya is too good natured to realise she’s being treated badly.” She says, quietly, and sees Lexa nod from the corner of her eye.

“But what can we do?” Lexa sighs heavily and places the final folded shirt in her pile. “If we tell her not to be friends with Ali it will just make it worse.”

“Nothing we can do other than keep an eye on her, I suppose.” Clarke shrugs, moving the folded clothes into the laundry basket and putting the basket on the floor by the foot of their bed. “She’s a smart girl, she’ll figure it out on her own. And if she has a problem, she’ll come to us.”

“Right,” Lexa eases into bed, her face still creased with a frown and Clarke settles in next to her, arranging the covers and blankets carefully over them.

Lexa lies on her back, staring at the ceiling and the bedside lamp glowing behind her illuminates the curve of her jaw and the tights anxious set of her lips. Clarke rests a hand gently on her love’s stomach, stroking soothing circles until Lexa eventually turns to look at her, still frowning. She places a kiss to the high cheekbone she has come to know so well.

“I love you,” She tells her, quietly and Lexa can’t help but smile.

“I love you too.”

“How about we do something all together soon?” Clarke props herself up on her elbow so that she can watch Lexa’s expression ease from concern to curiosity. “The kids have President’s Day coming up, I can switch some shifts around with people.”

“Oh yeah, what are you thinking of?” Lexa’s lips quirk into a smile.

“How about we go up to the mountains? Do some camping, some hiking?”

Lexa’s mouth drops open and she lets out an incredulous laugh, as Clarke’s cheeks heat. “Camping? Hiking?” She echoes. “Clarke, you hate that stuff.”

“But you don’t,” Clarke places another kiss to her cheek and gets to watch Lexa flush with pleasure, even as she raises a suspicious eyebrow.

“Have you done something wrong? Was it you who broke the vase last week?”

“I swear that was the dog!” Clarke shifts in the bed, shuffling closer. “Can’t a girl just want to spend time with the woman she loves and her sister’s two nieces and nephew?”

Lexa twists to her side so that they are looking at each other, their bodies a mirror image. “I don’t think they’ve made a greeting card for that one quite yet. But yeah, if I can get you hiking I’d be a fool not to take the chance.”

“That settles it then,” She leans forward and kisses Lexa, quick and chaste, before reaching over her to turn off the lamp. “Night babe.”

In the dark Lexa’s hands find hers and their fingers tangle together.

“Night love.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

The two tiny hands of baby Teddy stay wrapped around Octavia’s breast long after he has fallen asleep. She cradles him expertly and he molds to her body as if he were made to be there, which really, Clarke supposes, he was. His tiny eyelashes sit like butterfly wings against his tanned skin and he already has a shock of dark hair atop his head. Octavia is smiling down at him and Clarke can see the love in her eyes. Motherhood has made her glow, like the sort of instagram mother who takes sunlit pictures of her baby in perfectly rumpled bedsheets. Clarke can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy, which she tells herself is because she can’t help but compare Lincoln and Octavia to her own rowdy brood at home.

“You made such a cutie O,” Raven is leaning over Octavia, gazing down at Teddy with soft eyes.

“I know right,” Octavia runs a tender finger down his tiny cheek. “He’s fucking gorgeous.” Her cheeks heat and her eyes dart up, “shit, fuck, okay don’t tell Lincoln that I just swore in front of Teddy, he’ll kill me.”

Raven looks up at her, smirking. “Why?”

Octavia rolls her eyes, “He thinks Teddy will pick up on it.”

“Really?” Clarke laughs quietly from her seat in the armchair in Lincoln and Octavia’s little house. “He’s three months old!”

“I know, I know,” Octavia shrugs, and glances down at Raven, “Yo, you want to maybe back off my boobs a bit?”

Raven grins, but moves away, settling back into the couch beside Octavia. “You’re the most domestic of us all now y’know. A baby and a husband? You’re basically old.”

“Fuck off,” Octavia wrinkles her nose at Raven, but her voice is still soft, mindful of the sleeping infant in her arms. “Clarke has three kids, basically!”

“Yeah,” Clarke leans back in the armchair, grinning and takes a sip of the wine glass in her hands. “My life is just a stream of lunch bags and homework nowadays, it’s good to do stuff like this.”

“Yeah,” Octavia eyes the wine glass in her hands miserably. “I can’t wait until Teddy stops breastfeeding, no one tells you that the whole not drinking thing lasts beyond birth.”

“Can I hold him?” Clarke puts down the wine glass and holds out her arms as Octavia nods. The brunette fastens her top back up and stands slowly. Carefully, she settles her baby into Clarke’s arms and Clarke doesn’t miss the way her hands hesitate for just a second before letting him go.

There’s something so soothing about the warm weight of a baby in her arms and she smoothes a hand over his head. It reminds her of when Tris was still a baby, falling asleep in her arms every night, barely being set down. A pang aches through her heart, something between longing and love and she has to take a breath before she’s able to say, as nonchalantly as she can.

“You might not be the only domestic one soon O. I’m going to ask Lexa to marry me.”

“What?” Octavia’s voice spirals up, so loud that she startles Teddy awake. The baby twists in Clarke’s arms, his tiny face crumpling into a wail and Octavia’s expression immediately falls. “Oh baby, oh I’m sorry,” She reaches out to take him from Clarke’s arms, cradling him carefully until he finally settles into silence again.

“You’re asking her to marry you?” Raven asks, more quietly, grinning. “That’s amazing Clarke.”

“Yeah, at last oh my god.” Octavia rocks the baby in her arms, unable to control her smile. “Lincoln and I were taking bets.”

“What? Why wasn’t I included?” Raven rounds out her, outraged and Octavia shrugs.

“It’s a married thing.”

“Ugh,” Raven scoffs, disgusted. “You’d better not become like this when you’re married Clarke, or I’m gonna have to find new friends.”

“I haven’t even asked her yet and anyway, we won’t get married until Anya gets out.”

“Really?” Octavia frowns, “Why? Was that her idea or yours?”

Clarke hesitates, reaching for her wine glass so that she has something for her restless hands to hold onto. “Actually,” She speaks slowly, “It was my idea. I know that Lexa won’t want to get married without Anya, she’s really her only family. It doesn’t seem fair to do it without her.”

“But…” Raven exhcanges a glance with Octavia, “Isn’t Anya not getting out for another two years?”

“Yeah,” Clarke tucks her hair behind her ear, “But some people take that long to plan a wedding anyway, so it doesn’t really matter right?”

There is a moment of silence and she tries not to notice Octavia and Raven looking at each other again. Her skin tingles with awkwardness, a churning in her stomach as she studiously directs her gaze to the baby in Octavia’s arms.

It’s Raven that gets up the courage to speak first, with optimism that rings a little false. “Of course!” Her voice picks up a little and her smile turns into a little smirk. “How are you going to do it?”

The tension in Clarke’s shoulders unwinds a little. “We’re going to go hiking, taking the whole family for a camping trip,” Raven snorts inelegantly and Octavia sniggers, cocking an eyebrow, and Clarke feels a flush of annoyance. “What?” She demands.

“It’s just… hiking?” Octavia asks, biting down on her grin.

“With the kids?” Raven adds, her smirk now spreading to arch up her cheeks.

“It’ll be romantic!” Clarke splutters, but her words are barely believable even to herself. “And… cute. The kids will go to bed and I’ll ask her under the stars.”

“And then you’ll what? Have sex in a tent?” Raven doesn’t stop herself from laughing this time, throwing her head back to cackle and Clarke pries the cushion from behind her back to hurl it at Raven.

“Hey!” Raven’s head appears, rumpled, “There’s a baby in here and apparently he’s very impressionable.”

They all break into a chorus of laughter, quietening only when Teddy starts to stir again. Octavia rises, tucking the soft blanket back around Teddy’s form and cradling him close. Her eyes are tender when she looks down at him.

“I should probably put him down for his nap,” She pauses, glancing up at Clarke with unusual softness. “It doesn't matter how you ask her, y’know? She’ll say yes.”

“Thanks O,” Clarke watches her go with a sudden pang of gratitude, until the door closes behind her and Raven says.

“Do you think you and Lexa will ever have kids?”

“What?” Clarke’s brows furrow and she twists in her seat, frowning at where Raven is tucking on leg beneath herself on the couch. “Why would you… I don’t…”

“C’mon Clarke, I can see the way you look at Teddy,” Raven cocks her head, “You’re feeling broody.”

“With three kids already at home?” Clarke scoffs, trying not to sound as anxious as she feels. “I don’t think we could even fit a baby in.”

“Obviously not yet,” Raven’s gaze is unwavering, settling on her skin. “But someday?”

“I mean yeah…” She swallows, her gaze fixed to a spot on the carpet next to Raven’s feet and she doesn’t even realise that she’s started to smile until she continues. “Yeah someday.”

\---

“Hey!” She calls out as she steps through the door, unwinding her scarf from around her neck. The house is aglow with light and there’s a pleasant smell of lasagne lingering from the kitchen. Poking her head through the living room door, she finds The Princess Diaries playing in the corner and Miya and Lexa sat on the couch. Miya has a wine glass filled with Ribena, as does Lexa, and they are laughing together as Lexa carefully paints Miya’s toenails with a shiny purple varnish.

“Whoa, you guys are having a pamper night without me?”

Lexa looks up and smiles at her, as Miya beams. “Miya got 95% on her science test today, we’re celebrating.”

“Wow!” Clarke’s eyes widen, swinging to regard the little girl, who is flushing with pleasure under the attention of both adults. “Well done darling. Can I join in?”

“Yes!” Miya bounces up and down with excitement and Lexa chides her.

“Miya! You’ll make me spill it.”

“Whoops,” Miya comes to a quick stop, her smile turning sheepish and Clarke laughs.

“Okay I’ll be back in a minute. Are there leftovers?”

“Dish in the fridge, love.” Lexa doesn’t look up from Miya’s toes.

Padding her way into the kitchen, Clarke catches sight of Comet lifting his head to watch her from his doggy bed pushed up in the corner. His eyes follow her across the room, but he doesn't stand when she approaches to pat him on the head, scratching behind his ears just as he likes.

“Long day huh?” She grins at him. “Me too.”

He settles his head back on his paws as she heads to the fridge and she pulls it open to find the promised dish of leftovers, wrapped in foil with a yellow sticky note on top that says _10 mins in the microwave_ with a curly little heart tacked onto the end. It makes her smile, fingers following the curve of the post-it note before she pulls off the foil and puts the dish in the microwave. As it heats, she pauses in front of the fridge, gaze caught by the photo stuck to the fridge with a magnet. It’s a little worn now, soft around the edges, but she can still clearly see the tiny figure of Tris as a new born, held in Anya’s arms. Miya, only a few years old, is squished in beside Anya to look at her new sister and Aden is peering down from above them. The gleam in Anya’s eyes is so like the expression she’d seen on Octavia’s face earlier that evening that she feels a panging ache deep in her heart. The beeping of the microwave draws her from her reverie, and she pulls in a sigh as she grounds herself again.

Dinner in hand, she makes her way into the lounge and settles onto the armchair close to Miya and Lexa. “How’s the pampering going guys?”

“Good,” Lexa looks up at her, eyes narrowing a little and points the nail varnish brush in her direction accusingly. “Did you heat that for ten minutes?”

“Yes,” Clarke rolls her eyes exaggeratedly in Miya’s direction and the little girl giggles even as Lexa goes back to her toes. “Where’s Tris?”

“In bed, all settled,” A self-satisfied smile lingers on Lexa’s lips, but it drops when Clarke asks.

“And Aden?”

Lexa’s eyes leave Miya’s toes as she carefully replaces the brush in the pot. “He’s with his friend Charlie.”

“Charlie? Do we know Charlie?”

“I don’t think so,” Lexa’s brows crease, “Unless Charlie is that one with the…” She taps her nose and Clarke grins.

“No, that was Bart.” Her eyes flicker to the watch still on her wrist, “Cutting it close to curfew.”

“I know,” Lexa’s lips purse and she looks back to Miya’s toes, holding out the brush again. “Right then you, ready for the final toe?”

“Yeah!” Miya wriggles her toes, excited and Clarke smiles as she watches them.

“Well done with your science test Miya,” She says, taking a big bite of her lasagne as Lexa paints Miya’s baby toenail with one little dab of purple.

“Thanks,” Miya beams, “I got the best grade in the class!”

“Really?” Clarke’s smile widens, “Well done baby, all of your studying paid off.”

“Can I paint your nails Clarke?” Miya asks, eagerly and Clarke glances at Lexa, who’s grinning.

“She did mine already,” Lexa pulls her foot out from beneath herself to show the smudged pink paint covering her toes.

“Wow,” Clarke hopes her voice doesn’t falter, but at the way Lexa’s grin widens her uncertainty must show on her face.

“Come on Clarke, I know you hate painting your own toenails.” Lexa smirks at her and Clarke’s eyes narrow for a moment before her expression smooths out and she smiles at Miya.

“Sure you can kiddo, got any blue?”

\---

Aden slopes into the house only a few minutes before his 10pm curfew and Clarke exchanges a glance with Lexa from where she’s sat with Miya, who is halfway through painting her second set of nails a colbalt blue. He hesitates in the living room doorway, noticing them and pushes his hands into his pockets, sheepishly.

“Hey,”

“Hi kiddo,” Lexa is trying hard to sound nonchalant, her eyes only barely glancing up from the magazine in her lap. “Good time at Charlie's?”

“Yeah, it was good.” Aden shrugs, flicking through his phone.

“And how was school?” Clarke pipes up from the couch and Aden drags his gaze up to meet hers for a moment, conjuring a faint smile.

“Yeah, good.”

Clarke waits for a moment for him to expand, but when no more information is forthcoming she says. “Okay, cool. Well, glad you had a good day.” She glances uncertainly at Lexa for a moment, but then continues, “Hey, so while we have you both here, Aunt Lexa and I were thinking about going away this weekend. It’s your first weekend of spring break, we thought we could all go camping, what do you think?”

“Yeah!” Miya perks up from where she was concentrating on Clarke’s nails, so excited that she almost knocks over the bottle of nail polish. “Can I take my camera?”

“Of course,” Lexa smiles at her, “We’re counting on you to document the whole thing y’know.”

“Camping?” There’s a note of annoyance in Aden’s voice. “This weekend? I-I can’t.”

“You can’t?” Lexa’s eyebrows shoot up. “Why?”

Aden shifts, awkwardly and Clarke’s expression creases as he frowns at them. “Can’t I just have plans?”

“Well I’m afraid you’ll just have to reorganise Aden, we’re going camping together, as a family, okay?”

He gapes at them for a moment, disbelieving, and Clarke feels herself soften a little.

“What are you going to miss? Is there something going on to do with school? Or baseball?”

Aden struggles for words for a moment, before snapping his mouth shut and saying through gritted teeth. “No, you know what, fine. It doesn’t even matter.” He turns on his heel and marches upstairs, his feet pounding on the stairs with the unmistakable timbre of a furious teenager.

Clarke’s eyes meet Lexa’s and her love looks exactly as shellshocked as she feels. It’s unusual for Aden to act out like that, malleable soul that he usually is, and the confrontation has left a sour taste in Clarke’s mouth that she doesn’t like.

“Well,” Miya breaks the silence between them with a huff that reminds Clarke of Lexa, “I want to go. Don’t worry, Ali says Aden’s just being a normal teenager, she has two older sisters. I’m done!” She put her brush back carefully and motions to Clarke’s feet with a flourish.

“Oh wow,” Clarke peers down at her toes and bites back a smile, “Wow, thank you Miya, they’re beautiful.” The toes are far from it, with blue smudges across her skin and strange, clumped patches of varnish.

Lexa is smirking as she stands and touches Miya’s shoulder softly. “Right then, bedtime I think. It’s late.” Miya’s face crumples and Lexa quickly adds. “How about I put you to bed tonight, hm?”

“Okay,” Miya perks up and clambers off the couch, darting to Clarke to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Night Clarke!”

“Night sweetheart,” Clarke watches her go with a little smile, glancing up at Lexa when she pauses in the doorway.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Green eyes flicker to the end table and she grins, “The remover pads are over there, by the way.”

Clarke lets out a relieved breath. “Thank god.”

\---

When Lexa returns, she finds two glasses of white wine on the coffee table and Clarke leaning over her feet, carefully tidying up the smudges around her toes. The living room smells of the scented candle they lit earlier in the night, a soft vanilla with an undertone of acetone and cosmetics. In the background 27 Dresses burbles away to itself, but they are far from watching it and Lexa pauses in the doorway to watch Clarke huff quietly and tuck a long strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Her cheeks are pink in the warm room and she has changed into a slouchy tank top, her bra long gone, and pyjama shorts that show her long legs. She looks impossibly beautiful in the most mundane way and as Lexa crosses the living room to sit beside her, she feels a pang of affection in her heart.

“This is an upgrade,” She reaches for the wine glass and Clarke looks up to smile at her.

“I figured you might want some of the real stuff. It’s just a tease holding wine glasses without any actual wine in them.”

“This is why I love you,” Lexa tells her, groaning softly when she takes her first sip of wine.

“Oh really?” Clarke grins at her, settling her back into the arm of the couch and stretching out her legs experimentally, until her toes tickle Lexa’s thighs. “Well, you know if you really loved me you would help me get this stuff off my toes.”

“Seriously?” Lexa arches an eyebrow, glancing between Clarke and her feet.

“Remember who brought you wine?” Clarke counters and then, when Lexa’s expression doesn't falter, she switches to pleading. “C’mon, I think the fumes are making me light headed.” She throws herself back into the couch with a dramatic flourish and Lexa can’t help but laugh, taking hold of her ankle to draw Clarke’s foot into her lap.

“God you’re so over dramatic.” She takes the varnish remover and begins cleaning up the messy paint job. “So how were O and Raven?”

“They’re good,” Clarke relaxes back into the couch, grabbing her wine to have a long sip. “They say hi.”

“And how’s the baby?” Lexa can’t help but smile, “I can’t believe she and Lincoln are parents now.”

“Teddy is perfect,” There is a softness to Clarke’s voice that makes her pause, glancing at her love from beneath her eyelashes, but then Clarke laughs and the softness is hidden beneath her joking. “I don’t think they can believe that they’re parents either. Lincoln is sure that Octavia’s cursing is going to rub off on the baby.”

“Well, they do start to pick things up pretty early,” Lexa agrees, her attention focused on Clarke’s feet. She startles back when Clarke jerks her foot a little, looking up with an affronted expression. “Hey!”

“Oh shut up, it doesn’t matter if you curse in front of a three month old.”

“So you’d risk it with our kid?” The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them and she immediately shuts her mouth with a click. There is silence for a moment, hovering between them as if it lingers on their skin, suffocating, smothering the jovial atmosphere from the room.

“So… you’d want kids?” Clarke is the one brave enough to break the silence and Lexa takes a moment to pull in a breath, thinking seriously before she answers.

“Maybe… a long way in the future. At the moment though, we have the kids to think of. These kids.”

“Yeah, of course,” There is a tentative hesitancy to Clarke’s words that is unusual. “But someday yeah?”

“Someday.” Lexa agrees quietly, running a hand down Clarke’s foot and squeezing comfortingly.

It seems to bring Clarke back to herself, because she gives another grin and digs through her pockets for her phone. “Want to see some pictures of Teddy?” At Lexa’s nod, she scrolls through her camera roll and Lexa can’t help but smile over the pictures of the tiny baby, his face still scrunched up and his fists curled like a bud about to unfurl its petals. There is a picture that gives her pause, however, of Clarke with Teddy in her arms. In her eyes is that soft tenderness that she noticed before and it makes her heart skip, though she can’t quite tell why.

\---

“Hey An.” Lexa juggles the phone and her cappuccino in her hands, struggling to balance her cell between her ear and her shoulder whilst not spilling the hot, dark liquid all over herself. “How are you?”

“Pretty good thanks,” Behind her, Lexa can hear the sound of bustling people and lively conversation. “What about you? How’re the kids?”

“They’re good,” Lexa finally manages to put her coffee cup in the holder between the two front seats and pulls out her car key. Grabbing her bag from the passenger seat, she swings herself out of the car into the cool, early spring air as she continues, “I’m just picking Tris up from her swim club.”

“Swim club?” Anya’s voice ticks up in surprise and something close to annoyance. “I didn’t know she did that.”

Lexa hesitates, her feet slowing a little as she walks across the small parking lot. “She only started in the past few weeks. Sorry, I must have forgotten to tell you.”

“Don’t worry about it Lex,” Anya's voice has shifted back to her usual nonchalant interest. “These kids have so many clubs, I can’t remember them all. Anyway,” There is a slight change in her voice, a shift that Lexa hears but can’t quite identify. “Anything new to tell me? Anything interesting happened to you recently?”

“No,” Lexa frowns as she pushes open the door to the pool and spies Tris. The little girl is surrounded by friends, laughing and squealing, in the midst of some big game. Tris sees her and Lexa waves, but lets the girl have a few more moments with her friends as she talks to her mother. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” Anya’s usually cool tone doesn’t falter, but Lexa can’t shake the unsettled feeling from her stomach. “Are you with Tris? Let me talk to my kid, find out about this new skill.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it a skill just yet,” Lexa laughs as Tris runs over with her armbands held tightly in her hands.

“Aunty Lexa guess what!” Tris hops around her, excited, “I swam without my floaties today! Ask Miss Chloe, she’ll tell you.”

“Don’t worry baby, I believe you.” She smiles, “You know who else would like to know? Your mom, she’s on the phone, you want to talk to her?”

“Yeah!” Tris beams and Lexa hands over the phone carefully, prying the armbands from Tris’s hands. Her hair is straggly and it desperate need of a comb and hair band, but they have a stop to make on their way home. Both of Tris’s hands are occupied with holding the phone, her swim bag having been unceremoniously dumped at Lexa’s feet, so Lexa takes the bag in one hand and puts the other on Tris’s shoulder to guide her carefully across the parking lot.

When they arrive at the car Tris pulls the phone away from her face and says. “Can we get ice cream? I’m starving.”

“We’re going to Octavia and Lincoln’s on our way home,” Lexa reminds her, “I’m sure they’ll have something if you ask them very nicely. Are you done talking to your mom?”

“Oh, yeah.” Tris nods, holding the phone back out in offering, but Lexa shakes her head.

“Say goodbye and tell her you love her, please.”

“Bye momma,” Tris says into the phone, “Love you.” She hands the phone back to Lexa and her aunt sighs.

“Sorry,” She says into the phone, “She’s been distracted by the prospect of ice cream.”

“You were exactly the same,” Anya laughs, but there is a note of sadness to her voice. “I’ll let you guys get on. Talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay. Love you.”

“You too, give the kids a hug from me?”

“Always do,” Lexa promises and puts the phone in her pocket. Tris is waiting impatiently at the door and Lexa moves to help her clamber in and fasten her securely into the child seat. Tris doesn’t often get to talk to her mom on her own, but it’s not often that the five year old’s attention can be held. It weighs heavily on Lexa’s mind that the girl probably doesn't remember her mother in any place other than the prison visiting room, in a jumpsuit.

“Remember what we said about talking to people on the phone?” She reminds the little girl as she gets into the front seat.

“You have to say bye bye.” Tris tells her and then continues, barely taking a breath. “Why are we going to see Aunty O?”

“We’re going to borrow a tent from her, for camping.” Lexa glances into the rear view mirror and sees Tris’s face light up. “You remember those camping songs Clarke and I taught you?”

The trip to Octavia and LIncoln’s is filled with rowdy recitals of various camping songs and by the time they arrive both niece and aunt are quite out of breath, with sore throats and happy faces.

“Are you excited to go camping?” Lexa asks as she helps Tris out and Tris nods enthusiastically.

“I wanna go swimming in the lakes!”

“Well,” Lexa falters a little, “Maybe you can, if it’s warm enough and we find any clean lakes.”

“Yay!” Tris speeds off towards the front door of the little house as it swings open and Lincoln appears.

The broad man smiles down at them and cradled against his front is the tiny bundle of blankets and squirming limbs that makes Lexa’s heart feel soft. Teddy is wriggling and when he twists, big eyes stare out at Lexa with the sort of curiosity she remembers in Tris’s eyes when she was a baby.

“Hey, you’re here just in time.” Lincoln’s gaze turns down to Tris and the little girl preens under his attentions. “How you doing Tris? Good time at swim practice?”

“Yeah!” Tris bounces eagerly on the porch, “I swimmed without my floaties, right Aunt Lexa?” Tris turns to peer expectantly up at her and Lexa smiles as she joins them on the porch.

“You swam, and yes you did.”

“Well that’s awesome,” Lincoln sweeps a big hand back to welcome them into the cosy little wooden house, “Sounds to me like you deserve a reward,” His big eyes sparkle conspiratorially and Tris is practically vibrating with excitement beside her. “You know where the cookie jar is right?”

“Yeah!” Tris darts into the house, under Lincoln’s arm and Lexa watches her go with a pang of despair, calling uselessly.

“Say thank you Tris! And just one cookie!” She turns her gaze on Lincoln and her frown turns disapproving. “You are a terrible influence.”

Lincoln just laughs her off and ushers her inside, closing the door behind her as she steps into their living room, where plants cover every available surface. Through the archway she can see Tris taking two cookies out of the jar in the kitchen, one already hanging from her mouth and resigns herself to dealing with that later.

“Well, at least you can enact revenge now,” Lincoln’s smile is tender and Lexa feels her worry fade away when her focus is once again drawn to the baby.

“He’s so much bigger,” She can’t look away from Teddy, “It’s only been a week or two.”

“He’s got a lot of growing to do yet,” When Lexa hums her agreement he offers Teddy out, the baby now calm. “Do you want to hold him?”

“Yes please,” Lexa happily accepts the warm bundle of baby into her arms. There is something endlessly comforting about holding him and her arms slot automatically around his body, the gestures known from years of taking care of the children that are now her charges. Teddy blinks up at her, his mouth agape to show tiny, empty gums and Lexa can feel the smile growing over her lips, her voice dropping to a low murmur when she speaks. “Hi baby, you’ve been doing some growing, huh?”

Lincoln gestures to the kitchen and through the window Lexa can see their small backyard and she notices for the first time the tent towering in the middle of the yard, surrounded by people. Aden is holding up a tent pole with a curious expression and Clarke is saying something and gesturing dramatically at the tent. “They’re doing pretty good.”

Lexa is less optimistic and her voice is dripping with skepticism when she asks. “How long have they been out there?”

A beat of silence passes between them before Lincoln says, resigned. “An hour.”

Lexa laughs, shaking her head and rocking the baby as Tris turns and says, chocolate and crumbs smeared on her face. “Can I go out? I wanna help them!”

“Sure,” Lexa watches her rush out into the backyard before turning to Lincoln and saying, no small amount of exasperation in her voice. “I told Clarke we should just try to get a cabin.”

Lincoln laughs and together they move to the kitchen window to watch. “I think she wants the most authentic experience possible.”

“Authentic or not, it won’t be fun if the tent collapses and we get eaten by a bear.”

The back door swings open again and Clarke appears, leading a procession of sweaty, tired looking troops behind her. She is beaming victoriously, but she stops short when she sees Lexa, her eyes widening and Lexa feels the hair on her neck prickle pleasantly, just as it always does when she feels like she has Clarke’s undivided attention.

It is Miya who announces their victory. “We did it!”

“Yeah, after hours,” Aden grumbles, his phone already in his hands and his thumbs tapping over the screen.

“Congratulations,” Lexa forces herself to say and it seems to snatch Clarke back into the real world because she blinks and the smile that spreads over her face is large and genuine, with a shadow of tenderness that Lexa can’t quite explain. As Clarke approaches, she offers a smile, “Hey, well done.”

“Thanks,” Clarke moves to stand next to her, her eyes still fixed to Lexa and a flutter of doubt enters Lexa’s mind.

“What? What is it?”

“Nothing,” Clarke shakes her head and her eyes flicker down for a moment, but the glance is so fast that Lexa doesn’t even know where she’s looking. “I just love you.”

“Oh,” Lexa’s tension melts away and she can’t fight the wide smile spreading her lips, tilting them upwards. “Oh. I love you too.” Clarke leans in and she happily meets her lips to kiss her gently. It’s like coming home, the familiar scent of toothpaste and Clarke’s perfume, but then her nose wrinkles. “God, you stink of sweat.”

Clarke pulls away, her mouth falling open and her voice spiralling upwards in protest. “Sorry that making a shelter for this family is hard work okay?” Lexa glances outside and, as if the world is playing a joke on them, a breeze flutters the tent, it quivers and the whole thing collapses with a terrific thump. “Fu- flip.”

\---

“Is there going to be electricity there?” Is Aden’s demand when he skids around the corner from the kitchen into the hall. He’s so abrupt and unexpected that Clarke has to pause and unravel herself from where she’s sat at the kitchen table methodically going through their travel first aid kit for the final time. She blinks at him for a moment and Aden stares at her, expectant and agitated.

“Probably not?” She answers, at last and then, at seeing his face crumple, “But you have your portable charger and you can charge it if we use the car.”

Aden looks at her for a moment, as if considering whether the argument is worth it and then sighs heavily, looking dejectedly skyward. “Just kill me now.” He mutters and turns on his heel to slope away down the hall.

Clarke can’t help but grin, calling after him. “Put your shoes on! We’re leaving in a minute.”

Lexa appears around the corner and collars Aden just as he disappears.

“Once you’ve got your shoes on can you come and help me and Miya with the tent?”

Aden just grumbles, but Clarke is sure he’ll listen and looks back up at where Lexa is leaning against the back of the kitchen chair. Her eyes follow as Lexa pushes a strand of hair behind her ear, the sleeves of her plaid shirt falling down around her elbow.

Lexa quirks an amused eyebrow at her, “What are you staring at?”

Unashamedly, Clarke lets her eyes roam down her girlfriend’s body, taking in her skin-tight leggings and when she finally reaches Lexa’s face, her expression is almost comically exasperated and a tiny giggle escapes Clarke.

“You should go hiking more often.” She gives a smirk that is so dirty it makes Lexa flush and she stands a little straighter, clearing her throat and saying.

“I do, you’re just not often there.”

“Touche,” Clarke mutters, then continues more clearly, “How’s it going? Is the car almost loaded?”

“Nearly done,” Lexa blows out a sigh and her face creases with worry, “I meant to ask you, is there supposed to be a separate bag of tent pegs? Because I can’t see one with the normal bag?”

Clarke’s fingers pausing where she’s absent mindedly winding bandages, “I don’t know, I’ll finish this and then call O to ask. She and Lincoln are in all day anyway, so we can always stop by to grab the pegs if we’re missing them.”

“Okay,” Lexa rounds the table to press a kiss to her lips, and laughs when Clarke chases her as she pulls away. “I don’t know why you don’t just stick to the stuff that comes in it originally,” She adds, glancing at the first aid box and Clarke rolls her eyes.

“I’ve _told you_ , the bandages are subpar, there’s barely anything for anti inflamation-”

“Okay, okay,” Lexa holds up her hands and gives a small, cheeky smile which lights up her eyes and takes Clarke’s breath away. “I believe you doctor.”

Clarke shakes her head, throwing a spare band aid at Lexa as she goes back to the car and listens to her laugh. She turns back the band aids, counting them out carefully and sliding them into their slot in the red box. Her fingers run over the boxes and bandages, taking note of everything they have, before she shuts the lid. The pattering of several pairs of feet herald the entrance of both Tris and Comet into the room and she gives the little girl a big smile. Tris has been so excited about the trip that’s she’s told everyone they’ve met in the last few days, including the mail man and every person in the bank.

Tris is wearing her fluffy, blue coat and sneakers already, her little ladybug backpack on her back and she bounces up to where Clarke is sitting, looking up at her pleadingly. Comet follows along loyally behind her, his tail wagging with the excitement of a house in turmoil.

“When are we going?” Tris leans against her knees, looking up at her with wide blue eyes and Clarke sighs, patting her head appeasingly.

“Very soon, I promise. Do you want to do something to help?”

“Yeah!” Tris perks up immediately and Clarke continues, standing to guide her into the hallway, where Aden is pulling on his shoes at the bottom of the stairs and Miya is fiddling with her jacket.

“Go into the living room and get my phone from my backpack, okay? I have to call Octavia.”

“Okay!” Tris beams, bouncing away into the living room with Comet hot on her heels.

Clarke has to step around the bags still littering the hallway to get to where Miya is struggling. “What’s up honey?”

“I can’t… get my jacket…” Miya grunts with the effort, looking up at Clarke as she drops the jacket in her frustration. “It’s stuck.”

“Let me see,” Clarke kneels down in front of her, peering at the locked zipper and tugging on it a little.

“I can’t go without my jacket,” Miya complains, her lip jutting out and Clark hurries to soothe her.

“You won’t have to,” Lexa steps into the hallway behind them and she calls for support, “Miya won’t have to go without her jacket, will she Lexa?”

“She might if we don’t have room, why do we have so much stuff?” Lexa gestures around the hallway gloomily.

“She’s kidding,” Clarke rolls her eyes, “Don’t worry Miya.”

“It’s Miya’s fault we have so much stuff anyway,” Aden mutters grumpily from the stairs and Miya twists to scowl at him, pulling her jacket from Clarke’s reach, her voice hitching up angrily.

“That’s not true!”

“It is!” Aden snaps as Clarke hurries to shuffle around and get to the jacket again as Lexa’s phone starts to ring. “You had to bring all of your books!”

“Yeah well you’ve brought your guitar even though you’re a crumby player!”

“Miya!” Clarke scolds, her brows tightening, “That wasn’t nice, both of you stop arguing. There’s plenty of room.”

“Everyone be quiet for a second!” Lexa’s voice takes them all by surprise, loud and clear, and everyone falls into shocked silence, turning almost like marionettes to look at her. Lexa’s eyes stay focused to a spot somewhere in the middle distance as she listens, her face drawn in concentration until her expression suddenly unfurls into a smile. “Really?” She asks, sounding breathless. “You’re sure? That’s- that’s so wonderful! That’s amazing!” She listens for a moment, “Yes, yes I’ll do it now, they’re all here.”

She pulls the phone away, blinks for a moment and her eyes focus on them as if she’d forgotten they were there. “That was your mom,” Her voice breaks, but her smile is so wide it’s hard to register it, “She says she’s had an appeal trial and… she’s being released early. Next week.”

There is a moment of shocked silence, stretching out like whiteness between them all. Clarke exists in the emptiness, hearing but not processing, and they are all suspended, pure and joyful and utterly shocked, until finally Miya croaks.

“Momma’s coming home?”

Tears slide down Lexa’s cheeks and she nods slowly, her smile so wide that Clarke fears she will crack her jaw. Miya pulls herself from Clarke’s now limp grasp and barrels into Lexa, wrapping her arms around her aunt’s waist. From where she’s knelt, Clarke can hear her murmuring, over and over again “ _momma’s coming home_ ” as if convincing herself that it’s true. Lexa tightens one arm around her body, the other coming up to cradle her head and her dazed, joyous eyes flicker to Clarke, before landing on Aden.

“You okay?” She manages, and Clarke follows her gaze to where the boy is sitting, silent and still.

Aden stares at them all for a moment and then a grin spread across his face and Clarke manages to make her frozen limbs work long enough that she can breach the few paces between them and touch gently at his shoulder. It seems to be what Aden needs because the tension slides from his body and he lolls into Clarke, bonelessly.

“Your mom is coming home, Aden.” She squeezes his shoulder. “Did she say when?”

“Soon,” Lexa replies and she still sounds so shell shocked, “The next two weeks, she had her trial for early release today.”

“Why didn’t she say anything?” Aden demands, finally coming to his senses.

“She didn’t want to get our hopes up,” Lexa shrugs, her smile watery, as Tris trots into the room again.

“I got your phone Clarke! And this!” She holds up the phone triumphantly, but Clarke’s eyes are fixed to the little black box in her other hand. Her stomach drops, panic rushing through her veins and she veers forward, but Tris is already waving it around. “It’s so pretty! What is it?”

“Thank you Tris, I can-” She swipes the box from the little hand, but Lexa’s voice makes her blood run cold.

“What is that, Clarke?”

“Nothing,” Her words are too hurried, her cheeks heating up to the colour of red spring apples and Lexa’s brows narrow, curious and unsure. “It’s- really it’s nothing.”

“It’s a ring!” Tris tells her aunt happily, “All sparkly and pretty, I looked at it!”

“A ring?” Lexa’s eyes spin to her and Clarke feels as if she’s about to collapse, her heart rate is so high.

“She- she wasn’t meant to see that.” Is all she can say, and her voice is trembling, the eyes of everyone in the room fixed to her.

“Is it a…” Lexa can’t even seem to be able to say the word, “Were you going to…?”

“I- yes- on the trip. Fuck.” She rubs a hand over her eyes, cursing when she realises it’s the one still holding the ring.

“You aren’t meant to say that word.” Tris supplies, helpfully, but Aden shushes her.

“That’s why you wanted to go camping.” Lexa is staring at her as if she’s the only person in the room and she can feel herself quivering.

“I thought it would be romantic,” She stuff the ring in her pocket, where it forms a gawdy, awkward square, almost more obvious than when it was in her hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to all come out now.”

“Ask me.”

The world stops turning for a second and she can feel every moment of it. “W-What?”

“Ask me.” Carefully, Lexa disentangles herself from Miya, and takes a step forward around their wayward bags.

“This isn’t how I meant to do it.” Clarke answers helplessly and Lexa gives her an amused, tearful look.

“When did we ever do things the way we meant to?”

It forces a surprised chuckle from her throat and she stares at the woman in front of her for a moment. Her heart pulses at the sight of her, her stomach churns and she feels a swell of terrifying love somewhere in her gut. It gives her a second of courage and she uses it to dig her fingers awkwardly in her pocket, tugging out the ring.

“Okay,” Her voice breaks again, and she clears her throat, her cheeks still shining with her blush. “Okay, Lexa… will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

It’s like fireworks are set off inside her, fizzing and whirling, and she is momentarily breathless as she wades through the bags, desperate to breach the gap between them. Her foot catches and she is sent sprawling forwards, but two arms slide around her waist and haul her up and suddenly she is in the arms of the woman she loves, who she will soon marry, and tears are trailing down Clarke’s face. Two eyes like a spring day, like a new beginning, gaze down at her with such affection that it’s all Clarke can do to wind to her arms around Lexa’s neck and draw herself up to press their lips together. Lexa’s hands wind around her waist, sure and tender, and when Lexa laughs, elated, against her lips, it feels like coming home.

\---

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait for this chapter guys! i was in the midst of finishing my masters degree, which buried me! 
> 
> i'm a little nervous to see how this goes over, so maybe leave me a few words down below or over on tumblr (@onemilliongoldstars), i'd be super grateful!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you thought down below or over on tumblr (@onemilliongoldstars) I'm always happy to chat!


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